Molly's Diary
by luv2beloved
Summary: A Compliment to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun and Best Friends Forever - or Not. If you have not read those you will not know what is going on. This is Molly's Diary as she sees Bella's battle with breast cancer. Full Summary inside. OC/OOC/AU
1. Author's Note

**Molly's Diary**

A Compliment to _Girls Just Wanna Have Fun _and _Best Friends Forever or Not?_ If you have not read the other two, you will not have any idea as to what is going on in this diary.

I came up with the idea of Molly's diary while sleeping and how I felt like Molly was left out hugely in the story. When I first outlined BFF or Not, I had every intentions of it ending differently. So this is how Molly's Diary came to be. It is a dark side (yes, it can get darker) to BFF or Not, but it is also being told from the eyes of a pre-teen watching her mother battle breast cancer. This is going to be written in a diary format and I am aiming for the tone of a 12 year old. It will not be grammatically correct, because we all know that is not what a diary is used for. You will also be reading the alternate ending as well. So all of your questions on the "Daddy!!" at the end of the BFF will be answered.

This will be updated on a daily basis and will be the only Author's Note that you will get.

This is Molly's story of the final months leading up to …well the end....

I hope that you all will enjoy reading this, I feel that is just somethign that I needed to write and I can promise you it not be easy to read....Be sure to have tissues lined up and ready to go. No warnings will be given.

Sara aka luv2beloved


	2. Entry 1

_Dear Diary  
_

_Okay, so Aunt Alice and Aunt Rose just gave me this leather bound book of blank pages and they tell me that a girl needs a place to express how she truly feels. I tried not to laugh at all the failed attempts in the past of completing other journals and diaries but I don't know this one feels different somehow. I even took out my favorite multicolor pen to write in it. Maybe changing the color and adding in some stickers will help make this easier._

_But I have to agree, I do need someplace to escape to where my thoughts would be private and I don't need to worry about walking on the eggshells that are right outside my door. So here it goes…_

_I just need someone to talk to, anybody, somebody, besides the lined up porcelain dolls that are all dressed in MB designs. Can I say I am not even allowed to play with them, and I have never have been able to. _

_Anyways…._

_But they are always busy. Everyone is always busy. Ever since Mom found out she has breast cancer it is like our world has stopped and been put on hold. Then again I am partly to blame. I just do nothing but sit in the hospital day in and day out. Dad even took me out of school and hired a tutor, that's so stupid._

_But I am afraid that if I leave the hospital then the next time I come back my mom won't be there. So I stay, except for when visiting hours are over and then Aunt Macy brings me home. _

_When Aunt Alice and Aunt Rosalie came back from their vacation, is what dad calls it, but I know otherwise, I was there the day that Macy came home and ruined our family camping trip, they gave mom a present, a journal. They told her that she is to write down her story. So that one day Jasen, Brett and I will be able to read all about her. But I don't want to read about mom's life I want to watch her live it. _

_All I want is to be able to write down how I feel. So here it goes this is it, in black and white.  
_

_I'm mad._

_I'm angry._

_I'm scared._

_And I'm not ready to say good-bye.  
_

_At myself but also at my mom. She can't die. I need her. I know that I should not feel this way but I do. I don't want her to die. _

_They brought mom home from the hospital today and it was hard to see her so weak and the way that Daddy was carrying her…._

_It scares me._

_I never told anyone this, not even Macy, who would probably be the most understanding. If mom dies, like I know she will, what will life be like then? Will daddy ever smile again? And who will break apart Brett and Jasen's fights?_

_Uncle Jasper is calling; I guess they want to take the kids out for a while so mom can get some rest. I am hoping we won't be too long, I want to spend time with her today. Daddy hasn't said anything but I can tell that it might not be too much longer._

_A girls just knows these things. Especially a girl who will be losing her mother.  
_


	3. Entry 2

_Dear Diary_

_Well, it was mom's first night home and it was nice to be able to sit with her and talk. I felt bad though because I woke her up. She was so peaceful. I know it is only because of all the drugs she's on, but still it was nice to see._

_It's hard though as well._

_When I look at her it is hard for me to picture that person laying in bed is my mother. I miss her long brown hair in its place is an alien shaped head, completely bald. And then there are her eyes, they are not the same bright brown, now they appear lifeless_

_Alien._

_Yep, I think that is how I would describe her now. Not just her appearance but who she is as a person._

_I feel bad though because while we were talking I made a slip up. I told her about the recital coming up and that I was asked to play a piece or two. I was so excited because I already had an idea of what I wanted to play. And I told her that I couldn't wait for her to hear it and to watch me._

_As soon as the words left my mouth I knew that she would never truly be there. And I think she knew it as well. But she promised me, so we'll see I guess._

_I enjoyed talking to her we talked about everything, even the boy in my class that I have a crush on. It was like we were friends or something. _

_I look at the book that mom gave me when I had that fight with Susan last year; I am thinking that maybe I will read her a couple of chapters. She said it is a book that got her through some tough times. That's exactly what I need now. Something that will get me through the tough times. It just sits on my nightstand, never even being touched._

_She held me tight tonight, tighter than any other time. It felt good to have her home. She told me that she loved me and of course I told her back, but for some reason every time I say it, it is like I am telling her good-bye._

_Tomorrow, Aunt Alice said that she wanted me to go with her into the city to go wig shopping. That will be interesting I guess. But I just can't picture mom with someone else's hair. Let alone fake hair. Alice promises me that it is real hair that people have donated just for people like my mom. _

_  
I guess I should go to bed, even though it is going to be hard to sleep. Aunt Rose and Aunt Alice have moved into our house along with all of the kids. Right now I can hear mom outside with my aunts. I wish I was old enough to join them. _

_But I don't know mom needs her friends more than she needs me. After all she has known them a lot longer. Good night._


	4. Entry 3

_Dear Diary,_

_Holy crow, it was weird and freaky this morning goring shipping with Aunt Rose and Aunt Alice. I was amazed at how much stuff they bought and here I thought it was just to go look at hair. Which we did do and that was just as freaky as the other stuff we did. I never got to go shopping before with either of them. Mom hates to shop and avoids it all costs, so to into big department stores like Macy's and Bloomingdales was strange. Plus, I did not understand why Aunt Alice liked to shop; she has her own design team lined up to make whatever she wanted, which is how I usually got my clothes._

_The day started off like any other day, except it was different as well, this was day two of mom being back at home and we all seemed to walk around a little differently, trying to be quiet and such. Grandma Esme and Grandma Liz said that we will need to be quiet and not fight as much because your mom needs her rest. But I could tell that it was going to take a turn when Aunt Alice came into my room and woke me up. When she went to my closet to find something to wear I think she said words that Mom and Daddy would take a stick to our bottoms if we ever said._

"_Swearing like a Sailor," is what mom called it._

_I just watched as she picked up one thing after another and throw onto the floor. _

"_Did you mom never take you to buy any clothes?" she asked me and I just shrugged my shoulders._

"_Not really, she just knew you would send a package in the mail."_

"_I can see that," Alice said holding up a pair of jeans. "I think these were the last pair that I gave you since…"_

_I knew exactly what she was planning on saying and was glad that she didn't finish the sentence. That is when she handed them over to me along with a plain t-shirt._

"_I guess we will need to go shopping as well."_

_I knew that was growling I hated to shop, even though I loved clothes. But I think that is because I never had to buy any, Aunt Alice always just gave my brothers and I the newest line of whatever it was that she decided to make for the year. _

_Right now though she was not making much anything since she decided to step aside from her job just so she can spend time here with mom, but I do know from some of the drawings that she has been working on, everything is pink. _

_So we get ready to go and our first stop I is the hair store. _

_Scary._

_Row and row of hair from all shades and colors. Alice and Rose walked around holding up pieces and touching it, it was creepy to watch. _

_Then they wanted me to touch one and see if it felt like how I remember mom's hair. I think my eyes got big as I backed away. There was nothing in this store that would even come close to mom's real hair. Even now, as small bits were growing back I could already tell that it will not be the same. _

_That is when I realized that nothing will ever be the same. _

_Mom's smile has changed._

_Her eyes have changed._

_I look at the pictures of me and mom and I miss it. I just want my mom back to the way she used to be. I even want my Daddy back to the way he used to be. _

_But it never will be._


	5. Entry 4

_Dear Diary_

_I don't know what I am to do. Brett and Jasen have really begun to ask questions and hard questions. _

_What is really wrong with mom? _

_Is she going to die?_

_What happens when she dies?_

_Then there are the fights, they are fighting more and more over the past couple of days since mom has been home. And it is so stupid over stupid little things. I am trying to help Grandma and Grandpa out by taking the boys away and down to the Sound but it is so hard when I just want to stay as close to mom as possible._

_I think that is part of the problem with my brothers, they want moms attention and she can't give it to us. Alice and Rose tend to take up all of her attention and then Daddy is always with mom as well._

_I still need to get to Daddy and talk to him about the recital. I want the two of us to play together, that is something that mom always enjoyed especially around the holidays. _

_If I close my eyes and really focus I can still see mom before she was sick. Her hair all shiny and bright._

_Oh, great someone is knocking at the door….hold on……_

_Alright, I am back, it was Brett telling that it was time for dinner. I am not that hungry and told him that I will be down later on. I want to take this time while everyone else is eating to go see mom. I think I will read the first chapter to the book she gave me last year. _

_Here is the first few sentences, that way I will always remember….._

_**In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.**_

It had a perfectly round door like a porthole, painted green, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle. The door opened on to a tube-shaped hall like a tunnel: a very comfortable tunnel without smoke, with panelled walls, and floors tiled and carpeted, provided with polished chairs, and lots and lots of pegs for hats and coats-the hobbit was fond of visitors. The tunnel wound on and on, going fairly but not quite straight into the side of the hill-The Hill, as all the people for many miles round called it-and many little round doors opened out of it, first on one side and then on another. No going upstairs for the hobbit: bedrooms, bathrooms, cellars, pantries (lots of these), wardrobes (he had whole rooms devoted to clothes), kitchens, dining-rooms, all were on the same floor, and indeed on the same passage. The best rooms were all on the left-hand side (going in), for these were the only ones to have windows, deep-set round windows looking over his garden, and meadows beyond, sloping down to the river.

This hobbit was a very well-to-do hobbit, and his name was Baggins. The Bagginses had lived in the neighbourhood of The Hill for time out of mind, and people considered them very respectable, not only because most of them were rich, but also because they never had any adventures or did anything unexpected: you could tell what a Baggins would say on any question without the bother of asking him. This is a story of how a Baggins had an adventure, and found himself doing and saying things altogether unexpected. He may have lost the neighbours' respect, but he gained-well, you will see whether he gained anything in the end.

_I just hope that mom and I will be able to finish reading the book before…._

_I promised myself no bad thoughts, so I guess I better call it a night and go spend some time with mom. Then I need to track Daddy down to begin to work on the recital, it is about a month or so away, so I have a lot of planning to do._

_Until tomorrow after Uncle Jasper and Uncle Emmett take us whale watching, that should be fun, but not the same…_

A/N: **The Hobbit** by J.R.R. Tolkien originally writing in the 1930's as a book to his children, it is also the book that Bella gave Molly when she was having a difficult time with her best friend Susan. This is Bella's copy so it means a lot to Molly. Molly has not read it before and tonight when she visits her mom; it will be the first time.


	6. Entry 5

_Dear Diary,_

_I am so excited I finally got to sit down with Daddy and discus with him about my plans for the recital and how I wanted him to play with me. He thought it was a wonderful idea and asked if I had any ideas as far as which pieces to play. I was first thinking of doing Chopsticks, but Daddy says that is something so many others do. Then he reached into the piano bench and pulled out a big folder with music sheets and said that I should make it more special._

_So, now instead of just writing my feelings out on paper I am to try and portray what I am going through with music. Daddy has even written a piece for Bella as well as one for each of us kids. I have heard him play so much ever since I was a kid and he does such a great job that I am not sure if I could be nearly half as good. But we will see. Daddy said he will help me. Hopefully we will be able to put something together. _

_I was also listening to the radio the other day and heard an awesome song come on and it totally sounded like Daddy and thought that it would be cool if he would sing as well. I still can't believe I started to listen to country music. I guess maybe because some of the songs are so depressing and it just fits my mood sometimes._

_I managed to read the first full chapter last night to Mom which she seemed to enjoy even though she kept nodding off. She seems to be getting more and more tired lately. I just hope that she makes it through the next few weeks. That is all I am asking._

_Macy has been acting sort of strange lately as well. I hope that she is okay. Uncle Emmett and her went to the main land to go to the doctor. She says that she just has a cold but with mom home she wants to keep her distance for a little while. Macy has been awesome to me lately. it is almost like having a much older sister but we have also become very good and close friends. I don't know what i am going to do if something happens to her as well. Even though I know that she will die soon. Her HIV status is still the same which is good, but she also seems so lonely. I hope that she finds someone to love.  
_

_Well, Daddy just knocked on the door which means its lights out but I think I will be sneaky and turn on my lamp and try to figure out some form of melody to play. _

_Special._

_Feelings._

_Love_

_Hope _

_Faith_

_Those are what I want my musice to be about._

_MMMM?!  
_


	7. Entry 6

_Dear Diary_

_We all went into the city this morning for mom's doctor's appointment. As always it was depressing walking into the hospital. But Alice took care of the depressing look and has stayed on top of the fresh pink roses and streamers all over the hall. I can't help but feel like I am always following Mom down a dark hallway and that she won't return.  
_

_It was even harder this time because Macy wasn't with me to hold my hand like all the other times. She had her own appointment to go to. Plus she has not been staying with us the past couple of days. I hope that she gets to come home soon, I miss her. I think I am starting miss Macy more than I did when mom was not around as much._

_It hurts knowing that I could not only lose mom, but Macy as well._

_I think I might actually follow Daddy's footsteps and go into medicine and find a cure not only for cancer but for AIDS as well. That way no one else will ever need to go through what I am going through, especially other kids. _

_It's not fair!!  
_

_But the weird part of the day is when Daddy took me to go see a counselor; he said that it would be good for me to talk to others that have gone through the something as me. I felt alone in that little room even though there were other kids around my same age. Everyone having a parent, mostly a mom, that was dying from cancer._

_And it was in that little room with everyone looking at me that I admitted something that I have never even wrote in here before._

_Dr. Connors asked me how I felt now after seeing mom at home and watching her. I bit down on my lip at first and looked around at everyone else, knowing that they would not like me after I said the words that I kept locked up inside._

"_I hate her," I said quietly but I could feel anger in my voice as well._

"_Who do you hate, Molly," Dr. Connors asked._

"_I hate my mommy," I kept trying to reach up and wipe the tears but they kept coming._

_I could feel all the eyes on me but for some reason when I looked up quickly I could see that many other were crying as well._

"_Why do you hate your mommy?"_

"_Because she is going to leave me…"_

_"What else are you afraid of?"_

_I never had anyone ask me that question before even though I have always thought about it. "That Daddy is going to die and I will be alone to take care of Brett and Jasen myself."  
_

_After the words left my mouth I immediately regretted even saying the words. But when I felt a hand on my shoulder I looked up and saw another girl my age telling me that she was mad as well at her mom.  
_

_It felt good to know that I was not totally alone and that it was alright to have these feelings but it hurts as well from all the times that I have had a fight with Mom and told her how much I hated her and those where such stupid fights._

_I just learned that I have another reason to hate her, but I learned that is not Mommy that I hate, but the disease. _


	8. Entry 7

_Dear Diary_

_Okay, so Macy and I are headed out to go shopping for groceries and stuff. And I go in to tell mom bye when she hands me a credit card asking that I buy her two iPods. She said that she needed them to finish her journal. Which I need to say was just about done, which worries me._

_I just nodded my head and gave her kiss on her cold clammy cheek. She said it did not need to be nothing fancy or anything, just something simple and that when I came back I was to help her. It was the helping part that bothered me, for some reason I could not help but wonder if she was getting close, to you know…every day I can see it. Help her with what exactly; she knew how to work an iPod. _

_I wall excited when I found two pink matching Nano's. I did not know who they were for, but for some reason I had the feeling they were for Aunt Alice and Aunt Rose, since she only asked for two and that Brett, Jasen and I already had our own. After Macy and I went through the shopping list from Grandma Liz and Grandma Esme we loaded everything up when it happened. Something real bad…_

"_Macy slammed the trunk down, but her fingers were still caught in the grocery bag, thankfully she did not think they were broken, but there was so much blood!! It took everything in me to not run to her and help her, hold her hand something. But she kept screaming at me to stay away. I went into the car and grabbed Dad's phone that he leaves in there just in case something happens. _

"_Only for emergencies," he said when he put the phone in the glove box and I quickly pressed number one which was already programmed for Daddy's cell phone. While I was waiting for him to pick up I took of my sweater and handed it to Macy to wrap around her fingers. By the way the blood kept coming I thought for sure they were cut off._

"_Daddy," I said when he answered. "Macy is hurt really bad she is bleeding and everything."_

_He told me to stay where I was and that he would come with Uncle Emmett and Uncle Jasper and whatever I do not touch Macy's blood._

_Like I am that much of an idiot. I knew what was wrong with Macy, mom and dad told me the minute they knew and I understood the risks of contracting the virus myself. I was not seven anymore, I was practically a woman!_

_Don't tell mom okay, because it will just make her sad….but I think I started my period, I woke up this morning with a little bits of red on my underwear. I already had the talk so I know what happens next and all. Anyways…back to what happened next._

_Thankfully Macy did not lose any fingers nor where they broken she just slammed the trunk just right to where it popped the vessels or something. _

_So I get to drive back with Uncle Jasper to the house while Daddy and Uncle Emmett took Macy to the San Juan Clinic to get everything taken care of. I ended up on the bed with mom and helped her with the iPod and the computer. _

_It was strange though the music that she asked me to help her look up. Things that I have never heard much of more of mom and dad's generation._

"_This song was my first song that I danced to on the bar as a Coyote," she said as I pulled up I'm Gonna Getcha._

"_This is the song that your Daddy sang to me on the cruise ship on the talent night, did I tell you about it?" She asked as I saw a far off look when I searched for Meatloaf on iTunes, what a strange name for a group._

"_Oh, that's it," she pointed a finger out to the screen when "I Would Do Anything For Love" came up._

"_And so on we went, each song had a significance to mom and her past to Aunt Alice or Aunt Rosalie._

_There were so many. It was like they marked their friendships not in years, but by the song._

_Then there was me. I did not feel I had the same connection like that. If I had to choose a song right now that seemed to mark who me and mom where I think it would end up being "Teardrops in Heaven…" _

_**Would you know my name  
If I saw you in heaven?  
Would it be the same  
If I saw you in heaven?**_

_**I must be strong  
And carry on,  
'Cause I know I don't belong  
Here in heaven.**_

_**Would you hold my hand  
If I saw you in heaven?  
Would you help me stand  
If I saw you in heaven?**_

_**I'll find my way  
Through night and day,  
'Cause I know I just can't stay  
Here in heaven.**_

_**Time can bring you down,  
Time can bend your knees.  
Time can break your heart,  
Have you begging please, begging please.**_

_**Beyond the door,  
There's peace I'm sure,  
And I know there'll be no more  
Tears in heaven.**_

_**Would you know my name  
If I saw you in heaven?  
Would it be the same  
If I saw you in heaven?**_

_I must be strong  
And carry on,  
'Cause I know I don't belong  
Here in heaven._


	9. Entry 8

_Dear Diary,_

_I can't believe that it is already time. It is the day of my recital and I am beyond psyched about it. Mainly because Mom kept her promise, she will be sitting up front and will be watching me perform my special piece. _

_Dad and I have been practicing for the last few days which have been hard because of her being the house. But what I am playing is an incredible mix of music that I pulled up from internet searches. I took bits and pieces of all the music that I helped Mom search for a couple of weeks ago. I will be telling her story back to her in one ten minute pieces. It took a while to get it just right. And thanks to Dad I think it is perfect._

_Not only will Mom enjoy it I think that Aunt Alice and Aunt Rose will like it as well. Since the three of them shared all of this music as a whole. But the part that I am most excited about is the final piece that will tie it all together and merge it with the piece that I will play with Daddy. _

_Daddy and mom have a special history and I could tell that history from the first time I hear Daddy play to mom. The way he would look at her like she was the only one in the room. The Lullaby that he wrote for pulled his love out of him and into the most beautiful piece of music. It only felt right to put part of him into the music._

_Then Daddy is going to come out and sing something that he only does on special occasions. I have only heard him sing to me trying to get me to go to sleep. I sometimes wish he would do more often especially since finding out about mom._

_So we leave in a couple of hours on a boat, not just any boat but a giant yacht. It was Uncle Emmett and Uncle Jasper's idea but I don't know, it is like every one for the past few weeks have been trying to help mom with something. Sort of like a walk down memory lane. I see past it though. She's not doing well at all. _

_That's not entirely true, she actually looks amazing and been having a little more energy and strength but Daddy keeps whispering things to Rose and Alice about the calm before the storm and that she is holding onto something._

_I hope she's not holding out for me. I just want her to be happy and not in any more pain and not have to worry about me. As much as I do not want to lose my Mommy, I don't want to have to see her suffer and I know that she is. _

_Her smile, it's not the same._

_I know that she is getting close, just not sure how close….._


	10. Entry 9

_Dear Diary,_

_I cannot believe how well the recital went and that Mom kept her promise but I could tell that it was tiring her out. I am writing in here tonight from a boat, not any boat but a Yacht and it is huge. I do not think that I thanked Uncle Emmett and Uncle Jasper enough not to mention all the hugs and kisses I have given Daddy. But from looking and watching mom on the way back home I could not help but Mom seem so sad._

_Mom and Aunt Alice and Aunt Rosalie kept talking about the time they all went on the cruise. I knew about that time because it was when Mom and Daddy met each other and fell in love. Daddy said that he would take us all on a cruise again, but I knew it would not be true or even if it was it would not be the same. _

_Mom would not be there with me._

_Well, Mom and Daddy are getting ready to leave. Alice and Rose planned a special night for them together. I will be right back……_

_It was hard but I gave mom a hug and a kiss and told her thank you and I said I love you, Mom._

_She reached up and wrapped her tiny boney arms around my neck and the way she held tight and whispered in my ears I could not help but feel my heart pull in such away. It was like she was telling me goodbye._

"_I am so proud of you Molly that was the best piece of music I have ever heard. Have fun tonight and remember how much I love you and always will love you."_

_I stood up and wiped a tear from my eye as I climbed back on to the boat._

_I don't what I will do if mom were to leave. I know that it is fact, that she is not going to get better, but how do I go on. How will all of us go on? _

_Mom is mom she is what holds us together; she is the one that has pulled my fighting brothers off of each other. She is the one that I am just now beginning to think of as a friend and not just my mother who I have to fight with because she wouldn't let me got to Seattle to see Jonas Brothers on a school night. When she dies who will do that then? _

_Please God…._


	11. Best Friends Forever

I woke up from the yacht completely tired from the constant tossing and turning and I don't even know if it was me or the waves that kept beating against the side. Aunt Alice told me that we needed to stay on the boat until after the sun rose and I did but I kept having this strange feeling that I cannot explain.

Something was wrong.

As soon as the sun began to shine its light on me I threw the covers off and quickly put on my shoes. I stopped in my tracks when I saw that Daddy along with my aunts and grandmothers were in the kitchen making breakfast.

Daddy opened his arms up to me and I ran into them as he wrapped a giant hold around my neck.

"Is Mom awake," I asked.

"No, she's sleeping, but you are more than welcome to go up there and sit with her if you want."

I watched as Daddy stood up and yelled for the boys to go outside and help clean up before we begin to eat breakfast. I took the stairs slowly, not really knowing why. I wanted to talk to mom and really find out what she thought of the recital and all the music that I played.

Did she like how I told her own story through notes?

Did it make her side or happy?

It was hard to tell last night when I told her good night since it was dark I was not able to see into her eyes.

I knocked softly and when there was no response I opened the door slowly.

"Mom," I called out quietly so if she was not sleeping I would not disturb her.

I opened the door farther and saw that she was laying on her stomach her favorite position. Her arm was draped around a pillow and I could not help but wonder if it was draped around Daddy just a little while ago.

I tried to be quiet as a mouse as I walked over and climbed into bed next to her. It was strange to see her without her wig the shiny bald head with thin wisps of brown hair. But it was also strange to see her with a wig on since I have gotten so used to her hair the way it is now.

I pulled the blankets back and just watched her sleep.

And I watched and listened for some sound, some movement, but nothing came. I gently reached out and put my hand on shoulder to gently shake her.

"Mom, I came to tell you good morning."

The small shake did not disturb her. This time I shook her a little hard placing my hand on her cheek and rubbing my finger along the jaw line.

"Mom, wake up, its morning."

Her face was so cold another thing I got used to, but this time it was a different type of cold.

"Mommy?" It came out more like a question.

I could feel hot tears begin to fill up my eyes as jumped off the bed and went to the other side to try and look into mom's face.

I sucked in a deep and heavy breath.

"Daddy!!" I screamed with every fiber in me.

I moved to the floor and looked up to mom's face.

Her eyes.

Mine were as full of life right now as the tears feel and splashed onto mom's hand. I picked up her hand held. I brought it up to my lips and kissed the hand that put band aids on my knees, the hand that wiped tears from my face and that brushed my hair.

"I love you, mommy," I said quietly as I could hear the heavy pounding footsteps of everyone in the house run into the room and I could hear everyone of them come to a halt as they saw me on the floor curled in a ball holding my mom's hand.

"Best friends forever, right mom?"

I felt a hand on my shoulder trying to get me to get off the floor.

**A/n: This was not a diary entry this was real time in correspondence to BFF or Not. I did mention in the beginning of the diary that this was an alternate ending to BFF or Not. The next chapter will be back to the diary style. I just thought that I could convey more emotion having it be from Molly's POV. I hope that you enjoyed.**


	12. Entry 10

_Dear Diary,_

_I don't even know where to begin. I don't know if I should be crying, screaming, throwing things. Instead I just sit here on my bed looking at this stupid journal for hours before I finally got up the nerve to start writing._

_Aunt Alice and Aunt Rosalie look like walking Zombies, they are trying to keep busy helping with things or arrangements. Grandmas Esme and Grandma Elizabeth have been keeping the boys busy as well as all of Rose and Alice's kids. Grandpa Carlisle called someone to come and pick up mom._

_I didn't watch when they did that. I looked out the window though and what I saw broke my heart than finding mom so lifeless. _

_Dad bulled back the sheet that was covering mom and placed his head over her chest like he was still trying to listen to her heart or willing her to wake up. Grandpa Edward finally went outside and how to practically pull Daddy off of mom. I could also see Rose and Alice standing on the porch watching their hands over their mouths. _

_If anyone was trying to be the strongest out of all of I guess it might be me. I have closed myself up. Uncle Jasper keeps whispering things about my way of grieving or denial. But that's not it. _

_When the ugly looking car left and I could no longer see in it anymore I decided it was time to do something. I could not sit in my room all day and that is when I remembered the iPods that mom and I put the music on the other day. _

"_Give these to your Aunts."_

"_When mom?"_

_She smiled but I could tell that it was not a real smile like it hurt for to say the words next. "You will know when."_

_I took the iPods out of hands along with a long envelope and placed them in my nightstand._

_Right now I look down at them wondering if this was the right time._

_I think it is…_

**Real Time:**

I walk into the living room where everyone was sitting. It was so quiet, eerie. Daddy sitting at the piano not playing but his fingers every few seconds would touch an ivory. Rose and Alice were holding each other like they were trying to keep each other together, if one of them moved the other would also. Emmett and Jasper were trying to keep the kids occupied with some quiet movies. And everyone else just looked lifeless.

I look down at the items in my hand and taking a heavy breath I walk over to Aunt Alice and Aunt Rosalie. When I became within in reach the two of them pulled me into an embrace telling me how sorry they were. But I wasn't sorry.

"Here," I held out the two iPods. "Mom told me to give these to you when the time was right. I think the time is right."

Alice and Rosalie look down at the bright pink iPod Nano's and I could tell they had confusion in their eyes. Each iPod had their own little note with instructions in mom's scribbled hand writing.

"Daddy?" I asked when I was closer to the piano.

He slid over on the bench and patted the red velvet. His eyes were so lost, so pained, red and puffy.

"Daddy, mom asked me to give this to you," I handed him the last thing my mother and I did together.

"When?" He asked looking at the long envelope.

"A couple of weeks ago, she said that I will know when it is time to give to you and that you would know what to do next."

Daddy turned the envelope over in his hands a couple of times before opening. By now everyone in the room was curious as to what it was.

I watched as Daddy scanned it quickly his expressions on his face changing so many different time. After reading it a couple of times and pulling out some more papers he stood up.

"Carlisle, call the funeral director, tell him there has been a change of plans."

Carlisle did not even ask he did as he was told and took his cell phone out of his pocket.

"Alice, Rosalie, how quickly do the two of you think you can get packed?"

Rose and Alice looked at each other. "Please Edward, Rose finally spoke. "I don't think this is the time to take a trip."

"That is where you are wrong, Rosalie, we leave in the morning," Daddy said and for the first time since the early morning hours Daddy seemed to be at some kind of peace.

"What are we packing for?" Alice asked as her voice seemed to come alive at the challenge of speed packing and shopping.

"Bella seems to have made her own plans," Daddy said slowly. "Like she knew that she would be leaving us this very day or close to it."

"Son," Grandpas Edward said coming up to him. "You're talking craziness."

"No, Dad," Daddy said to his father. "Bella wants to be cremated and she wants her ashes to be spread in very distinctive spots. Right now is the best time to go."

I watched as Daddy looked at Uncle Emmett and Uncle Jasper, then over to Aunt Alice and Aunt Rosalie all four of their eyes very slowly beginning to understand what Daddy was talking about.

"Very distinctive spots," Daddy said again this time holing up a handful of yellowish papers with giant red words on them.

"Oh my God!" Alice said sliding down onto the floor Jasper running to catch her.

"She planned all of this?" Rosalie asked tears coming down her face.

"Planned what?" Grandpa Edward said.

"Dad, all of us, and I mean everyone in this room is going to help Bella close the Circle of Life."

I reached up and took hold of Daddy's hand to get a better understanding of what code he was talking in and that his best friends were able to understand.

"Carnival Destiny?" I asked.

Daddy nodded his head. "Looks like we are going back to the beginning.


	13. Entry 11

_Dear Diary,_

_I can't believe that tomorrow we will be going home. It has been great the past two weeks taking a walk down memory lane with Aunt Alice and Rosalie. The two of them shared stories that they would only know. Daddy sat with me for hours just talking in what he says is the same spot that he and Mom really met for the first time. He told me more about my Aunt Erica, his twin sister, who died of Leukemia; as well as tell me more about my Grandma Renee and Grandpa Charlie who none of us got to meet._

_We went swimming with dolphins in Mexico. The Caymans we saw huge turtles and sting-rays. And would you believe I even went to a place called Hell!! Uncle Emmett had a blast there and Aunt Rosalie said he acts the same now that he did back then._

"_Just a big kid," she said._

_I just smiled. It was great being in all of these places but the thing that was hard was in each place we were leaving a piece of mom behind. Dad thinks it is because those two weeks after her graduation were some of the best two weeks she had. He also said that Mom has wanted to take all of us kids on a cruise and to go to Disney World, but her time ran out._

_Dunnes River Falls I think was the hardest for all of them. My Aunts and Uncles with Dad just looked out over the water. I could not help but wonder what they saw or looking for. After a few minutes they turned and took hold of all of our hands and we walked back to the buses._

_It was the last night of the cruise that was the hardest for me. The talent show and I have heard great stories of the show from twenty years ago. Dad played the piano and sang to Mom declaring his undying love for her. And in the end I realize that the two of them had so much love and that Dad now needs to carry on all of that love by himself for me, Jasen and Brett._

_Instead of Dad playing in the show, I got the chance to say good-bye to Mom in my own way by replaying the piece that I wrote, that I know call Bella's Story. It was hard to play at first but I just closed my eyes and pretended that she was out there watching me and smiling. But that also brought tears to my eyes._

_It was not until we were standing in front of the Tree of Life at Disney's Animal kingdom that it hit me. Mom had a purpose for this trip._

"_Dad?" I asked looking up at the tree in the twilight hour small pictures hanging from it._

_I reached out and took hold of one. It was mom and me coming home from the hospital when I was baby._

"_How in the world?" Rose asked looking a photo from their wedding day that took place in the exact spot._

"_You must be the Masens?" An elderly man said coming up to us. "I have been expecting you."_

_Dad closed the gap shaking the older man's hand. "How did you get these photos?"_

_The man smiled. "I was sent a package about a month ago with a list of instructions never giving me a time frame only that I would know when it was time to hang the photos because some special guests will be coming. Shall we begin?"_

_The man held his hand out for us to take a seat that circled around the tree. A large group with drums came and began to pound away to an African rhythm. I could tell that everyone knew exactly what song was about to be played and those that were in attendance the first time they played the song began to wipe tears from their eyes._

_  
Nants ingonyama bagithi baba  
Sithi uhhmm ingonyama  
Nants ingonyama bagithi baba  
Sithi uhhmm ingonyama  
Ingonyama  
Siyo Nqoba  
Ingonyama  
Ingonyama nengw' enamabaal_

Ingonyama nengw' enamabala  
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala  


_From the day we arrive on the planet  
And, blinking, step into the sun  
There's more to see than can ever be seen  
More to do than can ever be done  
There's far too much to take in here  
More to find than can ever be found  
But the sun rolling high  
Through the sapphire sky  
Keeps great and small on the endless round  
It's the Circle of Life  
And it moves us all  
Through despair and hope  
Through faith and love  
Till we find our place  
On the path unwinding  
In the Circle  
The Circle of Life  
It's The Circle of Life  
And it moves us all  
Through despair and hope  
Through faith and love  
Till we find our place  
On the path unwinding  
In the Circle  
The Circle of Life_

_And it was around the Circle of Life that we spread the last of Mom's ashes, forever closing a Circle that she started twenty years ago. _

"_Good-bye, Mommy, I love you and you will always be my best friend forever…._

**A/N: And there you go, the end!! I hope that you have enjoyed it. I know that I cried buckets just writing!!**


	14. Author's Note 2

Molly's Diary Author's Note:

I have had a few people PM me or put in their review that they were confused because Bella died in this story. This is an alternate ending to Best Friends Forever – or Not?

When I first had the idea to introduce Breast Cancer into a Twilight Fanfiction I had every intention of Bella dying but somewhere along the way it changed, not sure if it is because I introduced another deadly disease as well with Macy and HIV.

With that being said, Bella lives, receives the miracle of a lifetime.

Molly's Diary is my alternate ending, the first one that I planned out. In the end of BFF or Not, Molly screams out "Daddy!" This story is went inside the head of Molly and told from her as well as what "Daddy" really meant to me.

So, yes, Bella dies in this one, as well as giving a gift that only she can give to her children with a personal walk down memory lane. I have a bad habit of making many of my stories come full circle, especially the novel that I just completed.

I want to thank all of you for reading this small story as well as all of my other's. I have had a couple people say that they have noticed that I do better with angst, hurt; pain, emotional, ect stories and I have to agree.

Will I be writing anymore Fanfiction like this? Not right now, I have one story that I need to finish before I move onto anything else; as well as my personal novels that I am perusing but keep me in you your Alerts because you never know.

I hope that this cleared some of the questions that been asked!!


End file.
